THE OBJECTIVE: Bring title glory back to Liverpool.
THE CAVEAT: Any transfer bids must be accepted. Maybe Moreno will finally f**king leave.
It should be 2001. A time of a Labour government. A time before we became ‘bullies of the western world’. A time you could still smoke in pubs. And of course, a time Liverpool are yet to win the Premier League in 11 years of trying. But thanks to the lovely people over at the CM 01/02 website, the 16/17 data is available to download to update a now-freeware classic.
So now it’s 2016. A time of a Conservative Prime Minister people did not vote for. A time that 51.89% of the country became racist c**ts and set in motion the process the leave the European Union. A time that for almost 10 years you can no longer smoke in pubs. Manchester United haven’t been Premier League champions for 3 years. And of course, a time where Liverpool are still yet to win the Premier League after 26 years of trying. Some things don’t change.
The 2001/2 season for Liverpool was one of their best Premier League seasons. A 2nd place finish with 80 points was as high as then-manager Gerard Houllier could manage in his tenure. In 2016/17 Jurgen Klopp’s Liverpool managed to qualify for the Champions League with 4th place with only 4 points less than 2001/2. How times have changed. At least I won’t have to deal with Sir Alex Ferguson anymore. Although Jose Mourinho is twice the shit the Manchester United legend ever was. As if finishing 6th in the Premier League is ‘success’. But i digress.
So onto the task at hand. Liverpool don’t have the prolific striker they once had in Michael Owen 15 years ago (jeez i feel old now) but with Sturridge/Firmino there is goal-scoring talent on offer. Alberto Moreno isn’t the open-goal missing, nutmeg-invitee defensive waste of space he is in the real world, but he can be improved with what is a modest transfer budget (relative to the original time setting).
So the board expect a title challenge. Well, i was hopeful as such for my beloved Liverpool for the same. However, if you can’t go to Barbados, Bridlington is better than nothing, right? Overall the squad is good and has depth in most positions. Too much in the central midfield department: Henderson the captain and workhorse, and decent defensive midfielders in Lucas, Can and the versatile Milner. Bar Milner the squad has plenty of pace with most players in the 12-20 bracket which will suit my attacking style well. Much like it does Klopp.
Before looking at any potential transfers, it’s important to address the current squad. Mostly its fine, with defence being the weakest third. The trio of centre-backs Lovren, Sahko and Matip only have a max of 16 for positioning, the most vital statistic. A bid is swiftly place for 25 years old Spaniard Inigo Martinez of Real Sociedad who boasts a marking attribute of 20 along with 17 for positioning.
The first transfer of note occurs within my first week. Man Utd midfielder Morgan Schneiderlin opted away from the Premier League to join Russia’s Zenit. Meanwhile, the first bombshell of the season comes before a ball has been kicked:-
So 1 of my potential front 3 is already out of the first game of the Premier League season. There’s still time to add to that, Mr Sturridge. A departure i have no qualms about may potentially happen. Yes, a club is showing interest in Alberto Moreno! Athletico Madrid no less. Please make a bid. Please. In other topical Liverpool news, ex-terrible signing Javier Manquillo has been sold be Athletico to Sunderland.
Squad numbers submitted, with the omission of the No. 9 a damning indictment on the state of the current Liverpool striking situation. But what’s this?
Well f**king hell. The non-rejection of bids rule has started in my favour! There is hope for the dressing room yet. Meanwhile, the Community Shield rolls around. Man Utd’s ever-cynical Ander Herrera turns in a man of the match display in a 3-1 against the unlikeliest of reigning Premier League champions
Gary Lineker-in-pants on live TV FC Leicester City. I’m sure that pleased his ever-toxic manager.
“He’s gone, oh i, i’d better learn how to face it, he’s gone, oh i, i’d pay the devil to replace him”
Moreno is F**KING gone. Off to Athletico Madrid. Hurrah! Ok, so he isn’t the same guy as in real life, who i’m sure is also a nice bloke. But seriously, his defending in the 2016 Europa League final cost at least 1 goal, and what the hell was this? Because i have no words.
The pre-season is now over. The first Premier League fixtures are up, and i’m keen to see what my currently-depleted squad is made of. Well if Wenger can do it and keep his job….
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